


12 Steps To Getting By

by I_may_have_wrote_a_thing



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Gen, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 01:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11003040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_may_have_wrote_a_thing/pseuds/I_may_have_wrote_a_thing





	12 Steps To Getting By

Step 1: get up.   
But that wasn't **really** step one. Step one was will yourself to actually open your eyes. Then stare at the ceiling and convince yourself to move your muscles. Ignore the crushing weight of everything. Slide off the bed. Stand up. Funny, in the past getting up wasnt given a second thought. I guess when you're always tired you start to notice how much energy every little thing takes.

Step 2: get dressed  
Getting dressed.. He just had to remind himself to break it down into little steps. Walk over to the drawer. Pick out a shirt. Pick out pants. When did getting dressed become an impossible goal in itself without breaking it down? Shouldnt it be simple like it was for everyone else?

Step 3: Brush your teeth.  
Glancing over at the sink, he convinced himself he could do it after breakfast, pushing down the inner voice reminding him he'd either forget or procrastinate it further. Was this feeling his fault? Because he didn't eat right?

Step 4: eat breakfast  
Break it down again. Walk to the kitchen. Get out cereal. Get out milk. Stare at them like theyre the existential void that will one day take us all. Realize you have no appetite and no time. Put away cereal and milk.

Step 5: leave the house  
This was always hardest. He just wanted to crawl back under the covers in his bed and let time pass, but he actually needed money, and couldn't exactly call in sick for not feeling like going. Or else there wouldn't be any covers to crawl under. Just walk to the door, open it, go through. Close the door, lock it, fiddle with the key to get it to come out. Walk away from the door. Dont look back.

Step 6: greet friends  
Say hi. Smile. Dont let them catch your unhappiness, dont drag them down. Make it easy on them, life is hard enough. Bite back all those things you want to tell them, think of the consequences, how they would feel. Dont ruin their happiness, happiness is fragile and fleeting enough. Medical textbooks advise taking care of yourself if your friend starts to make you upset and stressed out, and to get away from them enough to where they cant drag you down to where they are too, and he needed them. He doesnt let them get dragged down.

Step 7: Do your work  
Do your work. One problem at a time. One sentence at a time. It'll all be a blur soon enough when it's over, so just get through the now. Realize another day of your life has passed by and you haven't done anything meaningful with it. Resolve to do something meaningful with it tomorrow.. Again.

Step 8: go home  
Set your mind on that. It'll wander away anyway. Apologize when you bump into people. Focus. FOCUS. You're just gonna mess up like that again if you dont. With your luck you might even if you do. Stare at the ground to avoid eye contact. Unlock the door, close it behind you. Collapse on the couch and stare at the wall.

Step 9: eat dinner  
Stare at the kitchen for a while. Mentally build your strength. You can rest for a minute before going.. 5 minutes... 10 minutes... An hour.. Eventually get up. Walk over. The tile is cold, he doesnt know why that surprises him. It shouldnt. Look in the fridge, dont see anything appealing, then stare through it. Look in the freezer, all frozen meals. Look in the pantry. You'll eat what's in there another day. Youre not in the mood for it today. You used to be in the mood for it everyday. Wander around the kitchen, eventually turning back to the freezer. Make yourself a frozen meal. Wait for it to cool. Eat it.

Step 10: relax and unwind  
Sit back on the couch. You'll throw away the plastic container when you get up to go to bed, less energy expanded that way. Stare at the TV for a while. Turn it on. Watch whatever you've recorded, nothing good is ever on when youre there, and the recorded stuff is good enough. You feel maybe you should watch it another time, when youre in the mood.

Step 11: get ready for bed  
Walk to your room. Pick out a shirt and pants. Decide what youre wearing right now is fine. Look at the bathroom. You have to brush your teeth. You have no excuse this time. Take a shower if its a shower day. Stay in the shower for an hour or three.

Step 12: go to bed and sleep  
Stare at the ceiling. Remember all your regrets, all the things people might find out. Worry about what will happen if you lose your friends. Worry about how the little slip up you made in conversation earlier will escalate and grow. Realize its 1 am. Close your eyes. Eventually fall asleep.

Repeat


End file.
